Good morning.
Good morning Shall I also share one small secret with you? Or maybe two secrets, because one secret is looking very lonely Like single idli in plate.Yesterday night, after all painter fellows finally went at 6:15 p.m. (thank god, otherwise Kamalam would have started new agitation called "Painter Satyagraha – No Leave Till Wall is Painted"), I was sitting in sofa enjoying full petrol smell intoxication like free country liquor. Suddenly Kamalam came with one small bottle in hand. She said, “Old man, look what Nalini gave. Hong Kong perfume. Very costly. Smell and tell how it is.”
I took bottle, opened cap, and smelled. Immediately I started coughing like TB patient in old Tamil film. Eyes started watering. Nose became red like tomato. I said, “Kamalam, this is not perfume! This is chemical weapon! Geneva Convention should ban this! Who is wearing this? International terrorist or fashion model?”She said, “Yabba, don’t exaggerate. This is latest trend from Hong Kong. All young girls are wearing. You are old fashioned like black and white TV.”
I told her, “Woman, my favourite smell is petrol-diesel-paint combination. This Hong Kong thing is smelling like mixture of rotten jasmine, expired coconut oil, and one elephant passing gas in flower shop. If I apply this, even mosquitoes will run away saying ‘Aiyo, this uncle is too dangerous’.”
Then she got angry. “Old man, you are always complaining. At least tell one good thing about this perfume!”I thought for two seconds and said, “Fine. Good thing is – after smelling this, the petrol smell in house is now smelling like luxury five-star fragrance. Everything is relative, no?
Kamalam stared at me like I have committed murder. Then she said, “You know what? I am going to apply full bottle now itself. Let us see how you like it.”She went to bedroom, sprayed like anything. After five minutes, whole house smelling like Hong Kong chemical factory explosion. I ran to balcony for fresh air. Painter left one small paint can, so I opened it and kept near nose for emergency oxygen. Life saving,
Madam/Sir.But problem is not over. Today morning Kamalam woke up and said, “Old man, my head is paining. Maybe perfume is too strong. You only said petrol smell is good. Why not apply little paint on me like tilak?”I said, “Kamalam, paint is for wall, not for wife. If I apply paint on you, neighbours will think I am renovating wife also along with flat. Then what? Society meeting? ‘Mathrubootham is painting wife without permission’?”She laughed little, then became serious. “Anyway, old man, you are happy with your petrol smell. I am happy with my Hong Kong perfume. But one thing – next time Nalini’s son coming from abroad, you only give perfume suggestion. No more romantic answers like ‘your smell is my favourite’. Enough of that drama.”
Madam/Sir, you tell me. In this country, husband cannot even enjoy simple petrol smell in peace? Wife is bringing Hong Kong weapons, painters are finding hidden chequebooks, and ceiling fan is getting all the stares. Whether life will ever become normal? Or we have to wait for next renovation for happiness?
Anyway, I am going now. Painter left one small can, so I will stand near it and relax for some time. Kamalam is in kitchen, still smelling like international airport duty free gone wrong.Yours in confused intoxication (petrol + Hong Kong perfume combination),M. Jathrubootham
I took bottle, opened cap, and smelled. Immediately I started coughing like TB patient in old Tamil film. Eyes started watering. Nose became red like tomato. I said, “Kamalam, this is not perfume! This is chemical weapon! Geneva Convention should ban this! Who is wearing this? International terrorist or fashion model?”She said, “Yabba, don’t exaggerate. This is latest trend from Hong Kong. All young girls are wearing. You are old fashioned like black and white TV.”
I told her, “Woman, my favourite smell is petrol-diesel-paint combination. This Hong Kong thing is smelling like mixture of rotten jasmine, expired coconut oil, and one elephant passing gas in flower shop. If I apply this, even mosquitoes will run away saying ‘Aiyo, this uncle is too dangerous’.”
Then she got angry. “Old man, you are always complaining. At least tell one good thing about this perfume!”I thought for two seconds and said, “Fine. Good thing is – after smelling this, the petrol smell in house is now smelling like luxury five-star fragrance. Everything is relative, no?
Kamalam stared at me like I have committed murder. Then she said, “You know what? I am going to apply full bottle now itself. Let us see how you like it.”She went to bedroom, sprayed like anything. After five minutes, whole house smelling like Hong Kong chemical factory explosion. I ran to balcony for fresh air. Painter left one small paint can, so I opened it and kept near nose for emergency oxygen. Life saving,
Madam/Sir.But problem is not over. Today morning Kamalam woke up and said, “Old man, my head is paining. Maybe perfume is too strong. You only said petrol smell is good. Why not apply little paint on me like tilak?”I said, “Kamalam, paint is for wall, not for wife. If I apply paint on you, neighbours will think I am renovating wife also along with flat. Then what? Society meeting? ‘Mathrubootham is painting wife without permission’?”She laughed little, then became serious. “Anyway, old man, you are happy with your petrol smell. I am happy with my Hong Kong perfume. But one thing – next time Nalini’s son coming from abroad, you only give perfume suggestion. No more romantic answers like ‘your smell is my favourite’. Enough of that drama.”
Madam/Sir, you tell me. In this country, husband cannot even enjoy simple petrol smell in peace? Wife is bringing Hong Kong weapons, painters are finding hidden chequebooks, and ceiling fan is getting all the stares. Whether life will ever become normal? Or we have to wait for next renovation for happiness?
Anyway, I am going now. Painter left one small can, so I will stand near it and relax for some time. Kamalam is in kitchen, still smelling like international airport duty free gone wrong.Yours in confused intoxication (petrol + Hong Kong perfume combination),M. Jathrubootham