ல வெச்சுண்டு ரசிச்சு ருசிச்சு A Tamil Uncle’s Rant on Health Advice 
(Just a fun post! 
)
Life was going along nicely... until everyone started giving me different health tips one after another.
DRINKING IS GOOD FOR HEALTH: I MEAN WATER DRINKING!
First, they said: “The moment you wake up, you must drink one glass of plain water on an empty stomach.”
Then someone else said: “No, no — it has to be two glasses of warm water.”
Another genius corrected: “Not just warm water… squeeze in some lemon and add two drops of honey.”
Then came the upgrade: “Add a bit of crushed ginger too — that’s even better.”
One fellow added : let's add coriander and chilly powder: we would have cooked rasam!So finally, as a result of all this ...you know what?I’ve stopped drinking water in the morning altogether.
Okay, moving on to walking.
They said: “Don’t start walking fast immediately. Walk slowly first, then gradually increase the pace, and slow down again at the end.”
Then another expert jumped in: “Just normal walking isn’t enough — you should do ‘power walking’ with long strides. The benefits will multiply!” One fellow: says you should walk like Duck! Malaika Arora does it seems!Daaay!Malaika is super model daaa...she can do cat walk, duck walk, peoplewill clapToes pointing inside, heels spread outside! As I did duck walk, People in park looked at from afar at me and took detour!
Another fellow: then calmed: mukund, dont listen to these mushroom mindsListen to me : you should walk in path that tracks number 8 .Later I came to know he worked in RTO office...thank god, he did not ask me to use hand signals as I walked!So the guy who was peacefully walking every day now gets dizzy with all the fancy strides and has put a full stop to walking.
Next up: Coffee and tea are banned.
“Don’t add too much milk.”
“If you want to be healthy, drink bitter black coffee or green tea that tastes like cow’s urine.”
Breakfast? Idli and dosa are out. Ok then I took Bread and about to spread butter on itOne fellow screaming:STOP ... bread is white flour...processed ...avoid!I took the same knife and stabbed in its heart and tore it out!Now Bread is dead as,well
Don’t eat heavy stuff like pongal. No puri either. After hearing all that, breakfast got cancelled too.
For lunch, they said: “Don’t eat too much rice. Have lightly cooked vegetables or mild stir-fries. Add lots of soup, but don’t use too much masala.”
Oh, and potatoes and plantains are forbidden. Thick curd is a strict no. Ice water? Absolutely not.Evening snacks? Forget your favourite kesari, bajji, or bonda.
Instead, neatly chop a variety of fruits, put them in a big bowl, and enjoy them first by seeing! And then eat slowly slowly and mindfully.Dinner? Why Dinner ...they ask! Agriculture man had to eat dinner after Heavy day's work..You are couch potato...doing desk work only...sipping coffee every hour..Eat only if you’re really hungry. Even then, just two dry rotis with dal.
No milk at night. If you must, sip a glass of warm water.
I was fed up of all this: and all I wanted was peacefully sleep!But ...wait!!!!And for sleeping? There are rules too.
“Sleep on your left side — that’s better for the heart.”
“No, sleep on your right side — that helps digest fat.”
“Sleep on your back — that prevents Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.”
“Wait, sleep on your stomach — that stops belly fat and obesity.”What posture to take for sleep made me sleepless!I am sitting and sleeping!And then one guy wrote: “Just sleep in your underwear, da!”
Heyyy… enough already, all of you! Shut up! Just because I listen dont make me dumb daaa!If I follow all this and walk nothing, drink nothing eat nothing,sleep nothing what’s the point of staying super healthy till 70? I don’t need to achieve anything great at that age.We’re all on the God's waiting list anyway. The moment our ticket gets confirmed, we can just shout “Govinda!” and head straight to the exit.
)Life was going along nicely... until everyone started giving me different health tips one after another.
DRINKING IS GOOD FOR HEALTH: I MEAN WATER DRINKING!
First, they said: “The moment you wake up, you must drink one glass of plain water on an empty stomach.”
Then someone else said: “No, no — it has to be two glasses of warm water.”
Another genius corrected: “Not just warm water… squeeze in some lemon and add two drops of honey.”
Then came the upgrade: “Add a bit of crushed ginger too — that’s even better.”
One fellow added : let's add coriander and chilly powder: we would have cooked rasam!So finally, as a result of all this ...you know what?I’ve stopped drinking water in the morning altogether.
Okay, moving on to walking.
They said: “Don’t start walking fast immediately. Walk slowly first, then gradually increase the pace, and slow down again at the end.”
Then another expert jumped in: “Just normal walking isn’t enough — you should do ‘power walking’ with long strides. The benefits will multiply!” One fellow: says you should walk like Duck! Malaika Arora does it seems!Daaay!Malaika is super model daaa...she can do cat walk, duck walk, peoplewill clapToes pointing inside, heels spread outside! As I did duck walk, People in park looked at from afar at me and took detour!
Another fellow: then calmed: mukund, dont listen to these mushroom mindsListen to me : you should walk in path that tracks number 8 .Later I came to know he worked in RTO office...thank god, he did not ask me to use hand signals as I walked!So the guy who was peacefully walking every day now gets dizzy with all the fancy strides and has put a full stop to walking.
Next up: Coffee and tea are banned.
“Don’t add too much milk.”
“If you want to be healthy, drink bitter black coffee or green tea that tastes like cow’s urine.”
Breakfast? Idli and dosa are out. Ok then I took Bread and about to spread butter on itOne fellow screaming:STOP ... bread is white flour...processed ...avoid!I took the same knife and stabbed in its heart and tore it out!Now Bread is dead as,well
Don’t eat heavy stuff like pongal. No puri either. After hearing all that, breakfast got cancelled too.
For lunch, they said: “Don’t eat too much rice. Have lightly cooked vegetables or mild stir-fries. Add lots of soup, but don’t use too much masala.”
Oh, and potatoes and plantains are forbidden. Thick curd is a strict no. Ice water? Absolutely not.Evening snacks? Forget your favourite kesari, bajji, or bonda.
Instead, neatly chop a variety of fruits, put them in a big bowl, and enjoy them first by seeing! And then eat slowly slowly and mindfully.Dinner? Why Dinner ...they ask! Agriculture man had to eat dinner after Heavy day's work..You are couch potato...doing desk work only...sipping coffee every hour..Eat only if you’re really hungry. Even then, just two dry rotis with dal.
No milk at night. If you must, sip a glass of warm water.
I was fed up of all this: and all I wanted was peacefully sleep!But ...wait!!!!And for sleeping? There are rules too.
“Sleep on your left side — that’s better for the heart.”
“No, sleep on your right side — that helps digest fat.”
“Sleep on your back — that prevents Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.”
“Wait, sleep on your stomach — that stops belly fat and obesity.”What posture to take for sleep made me sleepless!I am sitting and sleeping!And then one guy wrote: “Just sleep in your underwear, da!”
Heyyy… enough already, all of you! Shut up! Just because I listen dont make me dumb daaa!If I follow all this and walk nothing, drink nothing eat nothing,sleep nothing what’s the point of staying super healthy till 70? I don’t need to achieve anything great at that age.We’re all on the God's waiting list anyway. The moment our ticket gets confirmed, we can just shout “Govinda!” and head straight to the exit.